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Friday, March 26, 2010

Betrayal or True Friendship? Share Your Thoughts!

I am stuck at a crossroads (in a sense) and don't know what to do. So, I am here asking you, my FaceBook/Twitter/Web friends, what I should do. Here's the story...

A friend introduced me to another one of his friends back in 2000. For now we'll call him Mr. X. Mr. X and I hit it off quite well. We had alot in common, we shared alot of the same views, and liked alot of the same stuff. Mr. X talked to me alot. As a matter of fact, I'd be willing to say that Mr. X, over the years, talked to me and kept in touch with me more than any of my other friends. When I still lived in Georgia, he would pay random visits, and when I had no car, he would give me rides whether they were necessity or leisure. Sometimes, we would even take turns treating each other out to lunch or dinner and chop it up or just shoot the breeze. For what it was worth, at the time, I did consider him my best friend.

On July 8, 2004, I had an opportunity to move to Las Vegas and took it. I knew, at the time, it meant everything would change. One of the main things I thought about then was the idea that I wouldn't be able to see my friends as frequently as I did. I moved to Vegas and, after a year of hard work and not-so-much communication with friends back home, I had established myself.

Shortly after I left Georgia, Mr. X would follow in my footsteps, by moving out of Georgia to a city much further North on the East Coast. Essentially, he took the same leap of faith I did. Then he started calling me and we picked up right where we left off, not missing a beat, speaking to each other as only best friends do.

At that time I had dived into the dating scene and Mr. X was always there, waiting on the other end for my call when I would tell him how crazy the night (or chick) was. In retrospect, it seemed as if Mr. X was living vicariously through me. Mr. X's life, at the time, was in shambles. The woman he took a leap of faith for had kicked him out of her home, he got badly injured on his job, he was running out of money, and his future was bleak. He eventually ended up having to move back in with his parents in Georgia. He was about 30 years old at the time, so that would have been a huge blow to any man's ego.

Mr. X then turned a very negative leaf. He would make odd, ill-timed, and completely unnecessary negative comments pertaining to my life including my dating situation and the things I enjoyed doing or seeing. At one point, it got so bad that I literally had to tell him "Stop being so negative or I can't talk to you anymore". He did, but months later he picked right back up with the negative tone. Things would take a turn for the worse when I finally met the woman who would soon become wifey. Wifey and I got off to a really rocky start and Mr. X wasn't helping. I would always ask Mr. X for dating advice, though I would seldom take it, due to his negative nature. Whenever I asked him how to deal with wifey, his immediate response would be "You should dump her", and eventually, I did.

Now comes the nasty part. When I dumped wifey, she called up Mr. X in an attempt to convince him to convince me to get back with her. But, guess what Mr. X does? He starts talking major shit about me to her and tries to get with her! Mr. X also called me back telling me I was wrong for dumping her, when he was the one suggesting it the whole time! Well, wifey wasn't with that and avoided his advances.

Wifey and I eventually got back together and this time it was for good. This time there would be no more second guessing each other and no more trust issues because we layed it all out on the table. She informed me of his deceit and betrayal and, although I brushed it off to the side and continued communicating with him, I would always be thinking about it in the back of my mind.

Mr. X eventually returned to his negative tone and week after week the negative and completely unnecessary comments would get worse and worse. This time he was even hurling insults at my wifey! Finally, in the Spring of 2008, it literally got to the point where he had nothing positive to say, and I decided to cut off all communication with him. Things seemed to get alot better for me alot faster now that I didn't have someone distracting me from my business goals with negative commentary.

So, here I am now, 2 years later, and guess what? Mr. X is still calling me and e-mailing me (with no response on my end) every other month! It's as if he either, doesn't get the hint that I don't wish to speak with him, or doesn't understand that what he did was wrong and he should at least apologize (for starters). Essentially he is like Judas to me. Furthermore, I don't feel I should have to tell him that what he did was wrong, nor should I have to give him instructions on how to patch things up with me. He is now a 32 year old man who should know better.

The reason I've brought this all up is because the fact of the matter is, although he betrayed me, he is the only friend who has stood the test of time and is still trying to communicate with me, especially at this capacity.

So, what am I to do? Should I communicate with him, and if so, in what capacity? Should I forgive him, and if so, under what circumstances? Please share your advice and comments with me here or on twitter and facebook

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